Writing Your profile

This would have to be arguably the most important part of this blog.


If you are serious about Internet dating then you are going to want

to create yourself a profile. It’s such an important part of the whole

Internet dating game, yet it’s the one thing people have the most

problem with. Because of that, it’s also the one thing they often put

the least amount of effort into. This is not what you want. Apart

from actual searching, your profile should be without a doubt the

component that you spend the most amount of time and effort on.

Your profile is important for several reasons:

• It is your chance to express yourself, and who and what you are

looking for.

• It will dictate what kind of response you get, how many people

respond, and what type of people respond.

• It is a source of information for other people to find out more

about you when you email them.

There are no hard and fast rules to making the perfect profile;

everyone is different, and so will be your perfect profile. However,

there are a great many things that you can do wrong that can

seriously jeopardise any chance you have of getting a reply. Just as

importantly there are also some general things that you can do to

greatly improve your chances.

Automatic Profile Generation Sites

Avoid sites that generate your profile text for you. On these sites


you are asked to fill in detailed questions about yourself and who

you are looking for. From this information the site automatically

generates a profile based on your information. For example:

“John is a 28yo Male from Sydney Australia. He is 5’11” and

weighs 75 kg. He has blue eyes and pale skin. His religion is not

important. His interests include Soccer and Wind Surfing.

“John is looking for a 20-30yo female located in Sydney. She

should be between 5’1 and 5’9” tall with a slim to average build.”The object of this is to give everyone the same chance, and in


turn to generate a site full of supposed ‘quality’ profiles. As you

can see, however, the result is not exactly a work of art. In fact,

it’s mind numbingly boring.

Not surprisingly this doesn’t work in practice, and the only

outcome is to bore those who are searching for profiles. Try this

yourself and you’ll quickly find that even searching a few profiles

becomes incredibly tedious.

On top of that it’s next to impossible to stand out in any respect

against your competition. Avoid these sites if you can.

Don’t Believe Everything You Read

Many sites may seem impressive when they claim to have


hundreds of thousands, or even millions of members, but take

this with the proverbial grain of salt. The truth is that while they

may have that many registered profiles, the number of active

members is much less. Many profiles are abandoned, duplicates,

not serious, and could in fact be many years old. There is no way

to know how many active profiles a site has. Remember also that

half or even more will be of the opposite sex.

If you really want to know how many profiles are applicable to

you, then do a broad search for your criteria. The search will tell

you how many profiles it found. Now search again, but this time

only for profiles that have been active in the last month (if this

search option exists). This will give you the best indication of how

many possible candidates are on that site.

On many sites, you have to register just to do a simple search.

Many people will register and create a profile in order to just take

a peek, thus creating yet another inactive profile.

Finding Personals Sites

With literally thousands of personals sites on the Internet, finding


one shouldn’t be too hard. Finding one that is right for you on the

other hand is a bit more difficult.

I’ll make things a bit easier for you by listing a few of the major

sites in various countries. This is not a recommendation for any

particular site, but they are some of the biggest and more reputable

ones. You should start by investigating each one and find out if it’s

worthwhile for you.

If you are really serious and have the time, then a profile on

multiple sites will only improve your chances of meeting someone.But following the principles in this book, and regularly being active


on each site can be very time consuming.

If you are looking at meeting people locally then it’s best to

start with the sites that cater for your particular country. Note,

however, that many sites work equally well for any country.

Regulatory Bodies

There are currently very few, if any laws that prevent anyone from


operating a personals singles site any way they see fit. However,

the ones that charge for their services fall under the business

category and are subject to common business laws in the country

in which they are based. Laws vary greatly from country to country,

and there is often little recourse should you have queries or

complaints about sites in other countries.

There is no regulatory body that controls how personals sites do

things, and provide or promote their services. Reputable sites will

have their own ‘Code of Practice’ which you can read before joining.

If you don’t like the way they do things then the best option is to go

elsewhere.

Stick to the large well-known sites, preferably in your own

country and you will be fine.

What You Get

Every site will give you different features and benefits, and

depending on what your needs are; one site might be the best choice

for you because it has a certain feature.

Almost all sites will give you the basics:

• Allow you to create a profile that is included in the searchable

database.

• Ability to search their entire database for free using various

search options and restrictions. Don’t ever pay for just searching.

• The ability to send a message to any member on the database,

this will usually cost money.

• Allow people to contact you at their expense.

Some features that are highly desirable are:

• Sites that give you the direct email address of the person you

are interested in, instead of having to send a ‘message’ via the

site.

• Real life social events that you can join in and/or organise

yourself.

• A chat room.

• Online secure credit card transactions.

• Ability to pay to have your profile listed more prominently, and/

or allow others to contact you for free.

• A large (or no) character limit for your profile.

• The ability to upload multiple photos.

• A link to your own personal web site.

Cost

There are many sites around that provide a completely free service.


It’s free to place a profile and free to respond to a profile. The only

cost is when you want to make your profile ‘stand-out’, which is

entirely optional.

Most large personals sites will cost you money as they are run by

commercial companies specifically set up to run the site as a

business. Unfortunately, the most popular sites are usually the ones

that cost money, but they are the ones with the most people, and

the best features. So if you limit yourself to free sites then you

may be missing out on a large potential audience.

Most sites will allow you to ‘join’ the site, place your profile, and

search profiles for free. But to respond to a profile you must either

be a paid ‘member’ (monthly or yearly, etc.), or buy ‘stamps’ (they

also go by other names such as ‘tokens’, etc.) that allow you to email

people. It might cost one stamp to email one person for instance.

Stamps are typically a few dollars each, and are usually cheaper the

more you buy at once. Be wary of stamps that ‘expire’ after a certain

date; you don’t want to blow your money.

Big sites will accept secure online credit card transactions and

will process your request in a few moments. Some will even accept

a cheque posted to them by regular snail mail, or a credit card

number over the phone.

Some sites charge a lot more than others, so shop around. But

be sure to choose the right site to suit your needs, and not just the

cheapest site available. Keep a look out for sites offering a free trial

period.

As a general rule, sites that are free attract more ‘window

shoppers’ and people who are not serious about meeting anyone. It

stems from the simple fact that people will not pay to just muck

around, but if it’s free then why not?

All of this is of course is assuming that you are going to email

people. If you are content to place your profile, sit back and wait

for the emails, then you need not spend a cent. As you will glean

from the rest of this book, this is not the preferred option. Serious Internet dating will almost certainly cost you some money.


If you compare the cost/efficiency/benefit ratio of Internet

dating to other forms of meeting people, you will find that even

the most expensive Internet dating site is an absolute bargain. For

the cost of entry to a nightclub and a few drinks you can email

dozens of people, or maybe get your profile put up in lights for

months.

Affiliates

The second thing to consider is if the site you are looking at provides


an affiliate service. Affiliate sites are other sites that use the database

and ‘search engine’ of the main provider to give the appearance

that they are also running their own personals site. This is becoming

very common, and the benefit to you is that your profile will be

automatically visible on many other sites as well, ones that you

would never find yourself. This greatly increases your exposure.

Geographically

The first thing to do is look for the large reputable sites that are


specific to your geographical area. There will be no shortage of

sites for any particular country, check the list further on in this

chapter for some to get you started. Many of the dating link sites

have sections for each country, this is a great resource.

Choosing a Personals Site

All Internet dating sites are not the same, and you must choose


carefully about which ones you spend your time and money

pursuing.

Even some of the biggest commercial sites may be totally useless

for your particular requirements, so picking the right personals site

is just as important as what you put into your profile. You can have

the best profile in the world, and pay all the money you want to get

your profile up in lights, but if you pick the wrong site you may not

get a single email.

Cyber Sex

Many of you will have heard about cyber sex, and may be wondering


exactly what it is. Cyber sex is simply using the Internet as means

of having ‘virtual sex’ with another person.

This can take many forms, be it ‘talking dirty’ in a chat room or

even email, a voice chat connection (the same as phone sex), or

using real time video (I’ll leave that to your imagination!).

If this is what you are after then you will usually have little trouble

finding an eager participant.

If you are looking for basic cyber sex without voice or video, then

all you need do is visit a few chat rooms, many of which will have an

‘adult’ channel. Cyber sex is also rife on random ICQ.

One mention of cyber sex will cause most regular Internet daters to

hit their delete button, so don’t mention it unless you know the other person is willing. Cyber sex is generally viewed as being tacky,


and only for degenerates and perverts who have no life. It’s popular

though; if you’re into that sort of thing then go for your life.

Finding a Bride

There would be men out there who are looking for a ‘bride’. If

that’s you then the Internet has no shortage of places to find what

you are looking for. There are many ‘Marriage introduction

agencies’ and the like online, most noticeably from Russia and

Asia. Most of these sites target people in western countries with

promises of the ‘brides to be’ coming to meet you. In some cases it

can be as simple as paying your money and getting a bride.

This is obviously not what Internet dating is all about, but it’s

another alternative if that’s what you are after. Most of these

companies were around before the Internet took hold, and they have

found that the Internet is a great way to advertise the clients they

have available and to reach a worldwide audience.

You may find that once you start joining some personals sites,

your email address might end up on the list of these foreign

introduction agencies. If this happens you might receive regular

spam emails offering their services.

I cannot offer any advice on these sorts of agencies, but as always,

‘buyer beware’. Suffice it to say that I have heard success stories

and I’ve also heard of scams and things simply not working out.

Pen Pals

As you may have guessed, the Internet is a great place to make pen


pals, or virtual pen pals as the case may be. In fact the Internet and

email has revolutionised the traditional pen pal system. Emails are

quicker and more convenient to write, cost nothing, and get there

instantly. You can exchange photos, chat, talk, and even

videoconference over the Internet. It’s an awesome way to keep in

touch with people.

Some broader sites have a separate pen pals section, and these

are a better alternative to general Internet dating sites.

Most people on Internet dating sites are looking for a relationship

of some sort, not a pen pal. People who register with pen pal sites,

however, are most likely to have the mentality it takes to keep up

the constant emailing, and are less likely to get bored and move on.

There are plenty of pen pal web sites and groups on the Internet, a

simple search will turn up plenty of options.

In a general sense, Internet dating can be like having a pen pal

who you meet and fall in love with. Some Internet daters email for

years before meeting and realising they are meant for each other.

Advantages

There are a number of favorable chances

• You can make some great friends with whom you can stay with

and show you the local sites while travelling. This can make for

a cheap holiday.

• You will have a much wider range of people to choose from,

greatly increasing your chances of finding the right one.

• Because the two of you will have gotten to know each other pretty

well before taking such a big step, the chances of it working out

can be potentially higher.

• Because you have both gone to so much trouble to meet each

other, you are not as likely to ‘nit pick’ and find faults with the

other person. This is what typically happens when you just meet

someone from around the corner where they are a dime a dozen.

In general though, stay well clear of long distance virtual

relationships unless you are experienced at this sort of thing, and

know exactly what you are doing. You are setting yourself up for a

big fall should it not work out. There is also the possibility of the

person simply vanishing of the face of the Internet, it happens, and

it’s common.

Remember that long distance relationships don’t work at the best

of times even for married couples and those in long-term

Disadvantages

• The likelihood is quite low that you will find the person of your
dreams. That’s just the statistics of Internet dating, so putting

all your eggs in one basket is risky.

• You are away from the safety of your friends and family if you

are the one travelling. It’s also expensive.

• If the other person is coming to you and you don’t like them

but they like you, they are naturally going to be a bit more upset

than someone who lives next door. It may be difficult to get rid

of them, in which case you can expect the big guilt trip - “but I

paid all this money and came all this way to meet you.” It can

get nasty. Be prepared for the worst.

Courting Long Distance

One of the obvious benefits of the Internet is that it allows you to

meet people from every corner of the globe.
 
The majority of people who start Internet dating just assume that


there is no other option than to meet someone locally, and never

give long distance relationships a second thought.

Only searching for people within your local area (for most people

that would involve a 1-2 hour car ride at most) does limit the amount

of people you can meet. However, if you include your entire city as

your local area, which most people do, you should have no shortage

of people in major cities.

Most people stick to their local area for several reasons:

• It’s too inconvenient to meet people outside of your area. At

least one of you must make the effort to get to the other person.

• It can be expensive if you are talking about air travel.

• The odds really are quite low that that person is the ‘right one’

for you. Internet dating is after all effectively a blind date.

Travelling half way around the world for a blind date is not

everyone’s idea of a smart thing to do.

Many people will be naturally frightened by the prospect of

meeting someone from outside of their local area, and it really does

take a special kind of person to be able to do this.

Here are the pros and cons of trying to court long distance via

the Internet:

Newsgroups

Newsgroups are the place to find like-minded people. There are


tens of thousands of newsgroups on almost every conceivable topic.

If you want to meet people with similar interests, then subscribe to

a newsgroup and scan though the messages. To do this you will

need a newsreader program. Your ISP will be able to tell you about

how to set this up and connect to a news server.

Another way to find people via newsgroups is to search through

the newsgroup archives at http://groups.google.com

Google also allows you to read and post messages without a

newsreader program. You can do an ‘advanced search’ for various

topics, groups and messages. Newsreader programs have more

flexibility however.

Look for messages from your target group, and by checking their

email address you can get an idea of which country they are from.

Send them an email and see what happens. Obviously keep your

email contained to the topic of the newsgroup until you feel

confident enough to ask them out.

This is a long shot, but you never know your luck on the vast

world of the Internet.

Work Email

Never underestimate when and were you can meet people using


the Internet. It doesn’t always have to be via the Internet chat rooms

and personal sites as such. It can just as easily be randomly via your

email at work - emailing customers, clients, work colleagues, etc.

If someone sounds nice then why not try sending a nice ‘thank

you’ email to someone who has helped you out. While you are at it,

try flirting a bit to see if you get a reciprocal response. Obviously it

will be difficult to find out much, if any information about them

initially, but why not take a chance and ask them out for lunch?

If you have their mobile number then how about sending an SMS message? You never know where it might lead.

ICQ

ICQ is a great way to search for people. There are millions of people


using it, and the ‘ICQ Whitepages’ search facility allows you to

search for people based on similar criteria you will find on personals

sites. You can search by geographical location, age, sex,

occupation, and even interests. You can get a list of search results

and it will even tell you who is online at that very instant. You can

then send them an instant-message or chat request.

It’s best to send an instant-message first, as it is considered bad

ICQ etiquette to send uninvited chat requests.

The key to using this method for guys is to be polite and nice.

Women on ICQ can often get bombarded with cyber sex requests,

and guys just asking if they have a picture. If you are polite,
 
introduce yourself and ask nicely if they would like to chat, then


you stand a much better chance of getting a reply. Don’t come on

strong via ICQ, people will often just ignore you.

Some tips:

• Once you have developed a rapport, don’t forget to add them to

your list, and get them to add you. You don’t want to lose them.

Ask nicely before adding them though.

• Don’t sound too desperate, if they have to leave then thank them

for the chat and let them go. They will be on again, hopefully.

• Find out when they are typically on, and let them know when

you are on.

• Add personal information to their ICQ ‘profile’ or document it

elsewhere.

• Ensure that you backup your ICQ list and history information.

One hard drive crash can mean the loss of year’s worth of

contacts!

• Ensure that you save any chats to a text file so you have a record

of everything.

• Messages are automatically saved in an archive, make sure you

check it before you chat to them again to find out where you left

off.

• ICQ has excellent documentation features, get to know them

and make use of them.

Preying on the Unexpectant

There are a great number of people on the Internet who are single


and looking, but either don’t know what Internet dating is, don’t

know how to use it, or are just reluctant to use it. These people are

not off-limits to your searching, there are ways to find them and

persuade them into a date!

This can be a huge untapped resource for serious Internet daters.

These people will be surprised to hear from you, and as such are

often very keen to try something new. A nice side benefit is that

here is no competition - the thorn in the side of every Internet

dater.

How do you find these people and contact them I hear you ask?

There are a few avenues available to you:

Personal Ads and Profiles

Personal ads and ‘dating’ sites are the granddaddy of Internet


dating. If you are serious about meeting someone on the Internet

for whatever reason, then this is the ultimate way to do it. Some

are called ‘personals’ sites, ‘dating’ sites, ‘matchmaking’ sites, etc.,

but they are all basically the same. I will refer to them throughout

this book as simply ‘sites’.

They are generally commercial websites that are specifically

designed for meeting people with similar interests, much like

traditional dating agencies. In fact, a lot of them are traditional

commercial dating agencies that have realised the Internet is the

only way to stay in business. The market for dating agencies has

taken a hammering since the Internet dating boom, and most have

had to expand or move completely to the Internet in order to

compete.

The idea behind these sites is that they have a personal ‘profile’

of information on each person in a database that you can search in

a multitude of different ways. Many ways you can search are by:

Gender, age, location, height, weight, body type, eye colour, hair

colour, occupation, religion, sexual orientation, education, star sign,

music and book interests.

Many sites go a lot further and try and ‘match’ you up with all

sorts of compatibility tests, but they are generally unreliable and

really only useful for their amusement value.

The great thing about these sites is that you can do a search on

any combination of criteria and you will be a presented with a list

of people that match. You can then check out each profile in detail,

get their contact details, and make contact with them if you so desire.

The efficiency of this just has to be seen to be believed. For

example, in Australia with a population of around 20 million

people, one Australian site claims to have 100,000+ members,

almost all of them from Australia and single. This is an incredible

0.5% of the population, searchable in an instant!

Alternative Methods

Alternative methods can include newsgroups, Yahoo! groups,


special interest websites, list servers, personal home pages, the list

is endless.

This is not something even a keen Internet dater would go in

active search of, but if you do happen to be around these places

then it pays to keep an eye out, you never know.

Try:

http://groups.yahoo.com

http://groups.google.com

Internet Organised Social Events

A great way to meet people is through real life social events organised


by personals sites. They can either be ‘official’ events organised by

the company that runs the web site, a commercial ‘events’ company

affiliated with the web site, or by regular members of the personals

site (typically the chat room regulars)

These events can range from the usual party/nightclub type

events, to bush walks, BBQ’s, cruises, movie nights, organised

sports, group holidays, the list goes on.

‘Singles events’ are getting very popular with formal Desperate

& Dateless Balls (D&D), dinner parties, nightclub events, etc., that

can attract thousands of single people.

Although these seem like a great and natural way to get to meet

people, the major disadvantage of this is it really defeats the purpose

and efficiency of the Internet when it comes to looking for a potential

partner. You might as well forget the Internet altogether and go to

your local nightclub.

The nightclub/party events really are basically the same as your

typical nightclub ‘meat market’ scene, so you should know basically

what to expect. In fact, these types of events are by far the most

popular, one mention of the word nightclub or beer usually

generates a few hundred eager participants. The other types of

events such as bush walks and cruises typically attract a smaller

and different type of crowd entirely.

Having said that though, there are several benefits. You can be

assured that most people there will be single and looking for

someone, and they will usually be in the same position as you and won’t know anyone there. So it can give those who are a little on


the shy side a good chance to get out in the real world and mingle.

Obviously going to these events in addition to using the other

Internet methods can only help increase your chances of meeting

who you are looking for.

These events can also be a great way to ask out someone you

have been chatting to or emailing, as they may feel more comfortable

meeting you for the first time at an organised event. This is discussed

later on.

If you are the more social type then why not organise your own

event? It’s not hard and it’s a great way to meet new people. Many

personals sites will accept events from members, and will advertise

them on your behalf. Let your imagination run wild and put on

something creative, who knows it may even turn you into the most

popular person on the personals site.

ICQ snobbery

Believe it or not, there are people on ICQ that look down on people


with bigger ICQ numbers than themselves. Some will even refuse to speak to people with an ICQ number bigger than a certain


number. It’s not unusual either to find people trying to sell their

low ICQ numbers to make money. As a guide, if you have a sub

1,000,000 number you are pretty hot stuff and obviously a seasoned

Internet veteran. It’s rare to meet people like that these days though.

There are whole books devoted to ICQ and its use, but the details

on their web site are enough to get you up and running.

Your ICQ number

When you join ICQ you will be given a unique number (also called a


Universal Internet Number – UIN) that will stay with you forever.

This number is generated sequentially starting from 1 upwards.

At the time of writing, this number is over a staggering 100,000,000

This is the number that you swap with other people. With it

they can find you and add you to their ‘ICQ list’.

What is ICQ?

ICQ is a separate program that runs in the background on your


computer, and allows you to keep in contact instantly with other

people using ICQ. You can send files, messages, chat in real time,

talk, and even send SMS messages to and from mobiles. ICQ will

alert you when people come ‘online’, and you can send messages

and files, etc., even when people are off-line, much like email.

In addition, to this it allows you to search for other ICQ users

with similar interests, etc., which is a great untapped resource for

the smart Internet dater. We will talk about this in a later chapter.

ICQ

A few years back it became very hip to give out your email address

instead of your phone number. These days even the humble email

address has almost given way to the swapping of ICQ numbers.

No Internet dating book would be complete without discussing

ICQ, and with over 100,000,000 users word wide it’s no wonder.

I’ll say up front that if you don’t have ICQ then do yourself and

your chances a real favour and surf on over to www.icq.com and

get it for yourself.

IRC

When the Internet was in it’s infancy (before the World Wide Web),


about the only way to chat online was with a program called IRC

(Internet Relay Chat). It was mostly popular with university students

as this was basically the extent of the Internet back then. Many a

university student has failed subjects and even entire degrees

because they spent their lives hooked on IRC!

IRC is a simple text-based system that allows you to chat with

people in the same ‘room’. You connect to an IRC server (hundreds

around the world) using an IRC client program, and select from

one of many rooms available. Each room has a different theme like

general chat, sex, movies, computers, etc.

With today’s multitude of user friendly web and client-based

chat rooms to choose from, IRC is considered very ‘old hat’ and

archaic, really only used by the old school of computer veterans.

IRC is relatively difficult to use and understand, even with the

newer IRC client programs like MIRC. You need to learn IRC

commands, and some of the servers are unreliable and can be

difficult to find.

If you are new to the Internet and chatting then it’s advisable to stay clear of IRC, there are much better and simpler ways to


chat.

Meeting singles in chat rooms

If you are in a public chat room that is not devoted to singles, then


there are a few ways to find and approach people.

The first is to make use of any ‘profiles’ that are available. Some

chat programs allow people to create profiles about themselves. It

may be something as simple as listing their sex, age and location.

But this is enough to shortlist the people in the room. You can then

send them a private message if the chat program has this facility.

Make sure that you introduce yourself politely, don’t just say, “Hi,

wanna chat?” Try something like, “Hi, my name is John, I’m a 30yo guy from Sydney. Would you like to chat?” you’ll get a much


better response. A nice virtual rose never goes astray either “—<—

{@”

Another approach is to put a general message in the chat room

and see if anyone bites. Once again, be polite. Something like, “Hi,

I’m John, would any nice single Sydney ladies care to chat?”

You might get flamed by people for doing that, but just ignore

them. If you are nice then you shouldn’t have much trouble getting

someone to chat.

Once you have found someone, suggest that you go into a private

chat room, or even switch over to an instant messaging service like

ICQ.

There are hundreds of public chat sites available, and many

personals sites also have chat rooms.

You can’t win against trolls

It’s not uncommon to end up in a verbal insult match in a chat


room. Some people, called ‘trolls’, are just there to provoke, and

they have nothing better to do than insult you till you leave.

The best way to handle trolls is to completely ignore them. It

may seem tempting to come back with a smart reply that you are

sure will shut them up once and for all, but it never works. They are

chat room veterans, and are guaranteed to have a razor sharp

comeback for everything before you have started to type your next

line. Ignore them, and leave them to die in their virtual world.

What is a chat room?

A chat room typically takes the form of one or more ‘windows’ on


the screen that contain line after line of text. One line is a response

from a single person, their ‘Nic’ (Nickname) or ‘Handle’ is generally

shown alongside. The people in the chat room enter a line of text

and then press ENTER, where it is displayed for everyone to see. It

then continues in a free-for-all chat session where one person may

be having a dozen simultaneous ongoing ‘conversations’ with

different people. It can get very confusing to follow as there are

typically many people carrying on different conversations at any

one time. Crowded chat rooms can appear completely random at

first glance.

Once you first jump into a chat room it can be quite a shock, and

will take you some time to get used to what is going on and what isbeing said. It is best to just sit back for 5-10 minutes and watch


the action to get a feel for the topics being discussed and the mood

of the people. It is not unusual to see a lot of swearing, personal

messages that you have no idea about, and lots of acronyms.

It’s a good idea to make up a unique handle for yourself and

stick with it, that way people get to know you. It’s not unusual to try

and enter a new chat room only to find someone is already using

your handle. Some chat clients like Yahoo! Chat assign you a

permanent handle, which means that no one else is able to use it.

Volunteers moderate some chat rooms, and people who swear

constantly or provoke other people are kicked off. Moderated chat

rooms are a much nicer environment to chat in, so it’s a good idea

to start off with those ones if you can.

Chat Rooms

Chat rooms are the traditional means of meeting people on the


Internet. So traditional that they were around way before the World

Wide Web took hold.Before the WWW and the Internet as we know it today (pre


1990s), there were Bulletin Board Systems, or more commonly

referred to as BBSs. Mostly computer hobbyists ran these from their

back room. They had anywhere from two phone lines to hundreds,

and you could dial in and use crude chat software to enable you to

talk to the other people on the same system. There were no such

things as mice, graphical user interfaces, photos, scanners, email

addresses, etc. This was the realm of text-based green screen

monitors, 20MB hard drives, and 300bps modems you had to dial

yourself. Women online back then were as rare as hens’ teeth, and

they were literally swamped by messages from every male online at

the time. It was quite rare to meet anyone but fellow male computer

nerds this way. Online dating back then was almost unheard of, the

Male/Female ratio was just too small, so it wasn’t really thought of

nor attempted (except possibly by yours truly!). Overall, it was

hardly a place for anyone but your stereotypical teenage male

computer geek or electronics hobbyist.

Then came widespread public use of the Internet and chat

programs like IRC, the newer web based chat sites, and finally

instant messaging services like ICQ.

Methods of Meeting

There are five major methods of meeting people via the Internet,

each one has its own advantages, disadvantages and relevance

depending on who and what you are looking for. The smart and

serious Internet dater will typically use most or all methods in order

to cover as many bases as possible.

Documentation Tips

Here are some practical documentation tips to keep the serious


Internet dater ahead of the game.
 
• Make a printout of every profile that you respond to, otherwise
 
you will forget who they are when they email back a week later.


By which time they could have removed or changed their profile.

• Make a note of the email address of every person you respond

to. Writing it on the profile printout is a convenient way.

• When sending a ‘message’ to someone via an Internet dating

site (instead of direct by email), makes sure that you put their

username in there somewhere. That way you will be able to track

who they are when they reply (from the original message text, if

any), as the email address will be unfamiliar to you.

• Save a copy of their picture locally, it might come in handy later.

• Make a printout of, or at least store in a separate email folder,

every email that you send and receive to each person. This way

you can quickly read up on the email history of that person just

before your meet.

• By all means make a complete ‘Dossier’ on each and every

person. It might seem like a lot of effort, but it may come in

extremely handy. People are impressed when you remember

every little detail about them.

• Save all your chat text. People are more willing to give out

information in a chat room, and it’s to your benefit to keep it,

you won’t be able to remember it all. Most chat programs like

ICQ will have an option to save your entire chat session as a text

file. Keep these text files stored in a unique directory for easy

retrieval, or print them out

• Keep a hard copy of every profile you create of yourself.

• Keep a written track of your profile name (handle), user name,

and password for every site that you are member of. A serious

Internet dater will be a member of several sites and/or have

more than one profile. I still get email from sites I don’t even

remember joining many years ago.

• Once you get someone’s phone number and address, write it on

their profile printout. You never know when you might lose your

‘little black email book’.

• Keep notes of how the date went as soon as you get home. Odds are

you won’t remember much about them after a few other blind dates.

Why Documentation is Important

If you follow the advice in this book and are taking every advantage


of Internet dating possible, then you should be well and truly snowed

under with email, profiles, accounts, dates, names, numbers and

information. Unless you are an information sponge and have a

photographic memory, you won’t be able to keep up with this deluge

of information. This means you risk losing opportunities and dates.

This is most often learned the hard way, but it doesn’t have to be.

“How hard can it be?” I hear you ask.

Picture this: How do you think you would go trying to keep up

with five blind dates in a week. Remember all their details, the

dozens of emails you have sent to each one with dozens of personal

details, the chats, phone calls, etc, and then do this week in and

week out. Odds are you won’t even be able to remember all their

names, let alone the other details. Very few people can keep up with

all this information, don’t underestimate how hard it is.

This sort of scenario is very common, such is the potential power

of Internet dating. It can be like starting a new job every week where

you have to get to know everyone’s name and position, only harder.

We all know what that’s like.

Playing it Safe

For those that wish to play it completely safe and stay anonymous


right up until the time that you meet, here are some tips:

• Always use an anonymous email service

• Never use any part of your real name when setting up your email

account.

• Don’t ‘sign’ messages with your real name. Your first name might

be ok if you want to use it. Many people prefer to use their

‘handle’.

• If you have public information about you on the Internet, like a

web page for instance, then ensure that you don’t give away any

information that will allows others to search and find it. Some

people are very good at searching for and digging up information

like this.

• Don’t give out your phone number, and only arrange your dates

via email or an online chat.

• Be careful using messaging programs like ICQ, they can leave

information trails about you if you don’t set them up correctly.

Disadvantages of Staying Anonymous

Yes there are disadvantages to staying anonymous, so it’s in your


best interests to weigh up the pros and cons. Generally it’s ok for
 
girls to remain anonymous, but for guys it’s a big decision that could


seriously decrease your chances.

The major disadvantage is that it looks like you have something

to hide. Not everyone you meet will understand if you don’t want to

tell them your real first name or give them a phone number. You

may of course have a genuine reason for hiding your identity, but

trying to explain that to someone who has never met you is not

going to be easy.

Even the simple act of having a Hotmail or Yahoo! address is

enough to raise the suspicions of some people. Obviously they have

no idea of the benefits, but that’s how they think. Generally you

won’t be at any disadvantage by using an anonymous address as

long as you appear genuine and don’t try to hide anything.

Setting Up an Email Account

To get an anonymous address you will need to register with the


email provider and choose a username. But with tens of millions of

users, every imaginable common name will already be taken, so you

will be forced to choose something very unique. Don’t be at all

surprised if your name spelled backwards is already taken.

Obviously if you want to stay anonymous then don’t choose a

username that gives away any part of your real name, like

johnsmith@hotmail.com

To register for your free anonymous email address just go to

either site mentioned above, choose the new user register option

and follow the instructions. Couldn’t be easier.

Be very careful to follow the online instructions, they will inform

you how to fill out the various forms as to provide total anonymity.

The golden rule being that you should never reveal your real name,

even if the form mentions it is safe to do so. So be adventurous and

make up a name, you can be anyone you ever wanted to be!

Once you have an anonymous email address then you are ready

to enter the world of Internet dating, be it a chat room, personals

site, messenger service, newsgroup or whatever. When registering

for any of these services be sure to use your new anonymous email

address. Make sure you document and remember your username

and password.

The only way someone will find out your name and other details

from now on is if you tell them.

Anonymous Email Addresses

The most basic requirement is to get yourself an anonymous email


address from one of the thousands of web based email providers

on the Internet. Hotmail (www.hotmail.com) and Yahoo! Mail

(mail.yahoo.com) are by far the two biggest and most popular,

and are the only ones recommended in this book. As you will see

later, these two have extra benefits that will give you an added edge

in communicating. Only use other free email services if you have

some compelling reason to do so.

If you are using your own Internet connection then you will most

likely have your own email address provided by the service provider.

You should avoid using this address if you want to stay completely

anonymous.

Even if you don’t want to remain anonymous, there are a few

good reasons to get a new email address specifically for Internet

dating:

• You can choose to be completely anonymous at a later stage.
 
• It keeps all your personal emails and your Internet dating


emails separate.

• If you get harassed, bombarded with endless spam mail, or

just get sick of the whole thing you can simply shut down or

ignore the account. You will never be bothered again.

Staying Anonymous

One of the greatest benefits of Internet dating, and a key reason to


why it is so easy and successful, is that it can be completely and

utterly anonymous. Right up until such time as you decide to meet

someone face to face. Quite simply Internet dating is one of the

safest forms of meeting people today.

So how do you stay anonymous on the Internet? Well it’s quite

easy as long as you follow a few basic rules, no one will ever know

who you are or where to find you until you decide to tell them.

Disabled

Disabled people were not traditionally catered for on most sites.


But the tide is turning, and there are now sites devoted to meeting

disabled people, and some regular personals sites cater for this as

well.

As you can see, there are no shortage of sites and services

available for almost anyone, and this is by no means a

comprehensive list. The Internet is the place to be to meet similar

people.

HIV

Once again, the Internet is the place to meet almost anyone. Some


sites even cater for people who are HIV positive, with specific profile

options you can tick to specify that you are HIV and/or searching

for someone with HIV. This can be an invaluable resource if it’s

what you are looking for.

Religion

While almost every personals site will have an option where you


can put and search for a religion, you will most likely find that the

majority of people are not overly religious. So don’t assume that

because someone selects ‘Christian’ that they are a devout Christian,

or have even been to church for that matter. The religious setting in

profiles is just like any other setting such as body type, don’t read

too much into it. Take it as a vague guide only.

If your religion is very strict and it’s very important to you to

find someone with the same beliefs, then there are a few personals

sites and chat rooms dedicated to certain religions. These sites are

more likely to give you genuine responses. You might have to search

around a bit to find these sites, but it will be worthwhile.

Swingers

If swinging is your thing, then not too many sites cater for it as a


category. Once again, you might have to dig deep into profiles to

find them. Be up front in who and what you are looking for and you

will get genuine responses. There are sites devoted to swingers, so

it’s best to try and seek these out.

Bi-Sexual

Not many sites cater for bi-sexuals all that well, either in profile or


search options. You might have to read the body of the profile to

find out. If you are looking for a bi-sexual partner, then stating this

in your profile header can help the right people find you.

Gay and Lesbian

Most good personals sites will have the option to search for Gay


and Lesbian people. When you fill out your profile you will be

typically asked for your sex and the sex of the person you are looking

for. These will then match up when people do a search. For instance,

when you do a search you might select ‘Guy looking for Guy’. Be

very careful to ensure that you are searching for other Gay or Lesbian

people, and not heterosexual as the majority of people will be. Most

people will state their sexual orientation on their profile somewhere,

so ensure that you check for this before emailing. Be sure to state it

on your profile as well, you don’t want the wrong people responding

to your profile, it just wastes everyone’s time and their money.

There are sites that do cater specifically for Gay and Lesbian

people. These are probably a better option if this is what you are

specifically looking for. But bear in mind that they are not as well

known, and hence, you are limiting the number of people you can

potentially meet by only using these dedicated services.

There are also many dedicated Gay and Lesbian chat rooms

around the Internet. Random ICQ chat also has this feature.

Special Interest Groups

The Internet is the ideal place to meet people with similar interests


or views that can often be difficult to meet in normal social settings.

If you have trouble meeting people with similar interests then the

Internet can be a great way, if not the best way to meet like-minded

people. Anonymously if you choose.

Is It Like the Movies?

Internet dating has been popularised by the immensely successful


Hollywood movie, ‘You’ve Got Mail’, starring Tom Hanks and Meg

Ryan.

How close is this movie to the reality of Internet dating?

Surprisingly close in some ways in fact. In the way that the

characters are drawn into and become addicted to chatting to each

other. Sneaking around, and not being able to wait to check their

-

email. Internet dating is certainly exciting and terribly addictive

you have been warned!

No more free time

Internet dating, chatting online, and having email correspondence


can be very time consuming

You’ll be surprised at how much time it takes to respond to all

your email, how tiring it can be having 5 dates in one week, and

how long you will end up spending in the chat rooms. These can all

be good or bad points of course, but you’ll find that you will definitely

have less free time than you did before if you get hooked.

The complete loser

Yes you will meet complete losers; it’s pure statistics, sooner or


later you are bound to meet one. No different to real life where

you are lucky if you haven’t had some complete loser try and chat

you up.

Sure you screened their profile and chatted to them for a while,

yet they still turned out to be the biggest loser of all time, why?

Chin up, it’s not your fault, it’s just that the Internet can hide the

real person; you have to meet someone face to face to find out what

they are really like.

The body type illusion

Almost every Internet dater will quickly learn that the Internet is

a great way to hide and/or exaggerate ones looks. For example,

not too many people are going to admit to being overweight when

they can simply tick a box on a profile that says ‘Average’.

Body type would have to be one of the most popular things that

people will lie or stretch the truth about. The same can be said about

both guys and girls. For example, a guy might sound really great

with an ‘athletic’ physique, only for you to be confronted with the

reality of a 6-pack beer gut and slouching shoulders.

The rule is to never take anyone’s word for it, keep an open mind,

and don’t try and build up a mental image of them. In reality nine

out of ten times someone won’t look like the person they described

themselves as. It’s not that people intentionally lie; most don’t, it’s

just that they have an image of themselves, and you have a mental

image of them that you have build up from the scant information

available. Combine these two factors and you have the potential for

big disappointment on both sides. Take every physical description

with a proverbial grain of salt.

Don’t read too much into photos either, they can be very

deceptive.

Harassment

While there is no doubt that harassment can happen, it is quite

rare, even more so than in real life. So at the very worst you are no

more likely to be harassed by someone you meet on the Internet

than someone you meet through normal social channels. Even less

so because of all the benefits of anonymity that the Internet can

offer.

Someone harasses you via email or ICQ? No big deal, just add

them to your ‘ignore list’ or at worst get new accounts and your

problem is gone.If you are concerned about this then choose to only give your


phone number and address details to people that you trust.

Mission:- Miss

The Basics

What is Internet Dating?

To put it simply, Internet dating is all about using the Internet as a

means to find and make contact with someone. Be it a pen pal,

friend, sporting partner, casual date, relationship or your soulmate.

It’s all possible, and there are a literally millions of people out there

right now in every corner of the globe just willing and waiting.

You may have heard stories in the press about people meeting,

falling in love and even getting married on the Internet in ‘virtual

weddings’ without having met. That’s the world of the uninformed

misguided media; in reality things couldn’t be more different.

So you aren’t some computer geek, and you don’t want to meet

some computer geek right? “Heck, I don’t even own a computer”

I hear you saying. Well that’s ok, you don’t need to own a computer,

and the vast majority of the people on the Internet today are

‘normal’ people, just like you. That wasn’t how it was just a few

very short years ago, but now the Internet has grown to be almost

as ubiquitous as the telephone, and people from every facet of life

are using the Internet.

The Internet is fast becoming one of the easiest, most popular,

and surprisingly to most, one of the safest forms of meeting people.

Read on and you’ll find out why.

Assumptions

This book is written assuming that you know at least what the

Internet is and how to use it in a basic sense. For example, you

should be conversant with using a web browser and email at a

minimum. If you don’t know anything about these things then there
are countless books and courses out there that will get you started.


Once you have this basic understanding you are ready to tackle

Internet dating.

Also, this book will not go into detail about how to use certain

features of products mentioned, like ICQ, newsgroups, chat clients

and so forth, as each one would need (and have) a book in their

own right. But in most cases you will be directed to web pages to

find out more about them. The focus will be on the techniques and

the best way to make use of each product for the purposes of Internet

dating.

What Do You Need?

To start meeting people on the Internet you need three basic

things:

1) An Internet connection to the World Wide Web (www)

2) Spare time

3) This Blog for the best advice on how to go about it

You already have #3, that’s a great start.

#2 is up to you. The more time you have to spend on Internet

dating, the greater the potential. This free time will not only include

using the Internet itself, but making time available to actually meet

your dates in real life, which of course is what it’s all about.

What Kind of Person Do I Need to Be?

Anyone can succeed in the world of Internet dating, you don’t have

to be a certain kind of person, nor have any particular type of

personality. You don’t need to be a social recluse or have a degree

in computer science. People using Internet dating are as diverse as

can be imagined, so no one will be out of place.

Types of Internet Connection

There are 4 basic ways to get an Internet connection:

• At home with your own Internet connection

• An Internet connection at work

• A friend’s Internet machine
• A public access Internet terminal such as in a library or Internet


cafe.

By far the best thing to have is your own Internet connection at

home. You will be able to take all the time you like in the privacy of

your own home.

If you are going to use a machine at work to access the Internet

then there are several things to watch out for. For starters, most

companies have policies against using company computers for non-

work related activities, and if you get caught it could mean losing

your job. If, on the other hand, your company is happy for you to

use it for such a purpose and they know about it, then you can expect

to be hassled by everyone in the office wanting to know the

outcome of every email and date that you have!

Using a friend’s Internet machine is similar to using an office

machine. If you can get away with using it without your friend

looking over your shoulder, then great, otherwise they can tend to

get very nosey. On the other hand, having a friend to encourage

you and provide a bit of unbiased advice can be a great advantage.

Why not both of you try Internet dating together and see who can

get the most or best dates?

Public access terminals should be used as a last resort for three

major reasons. You generally can’t spend too much time on them,

which limits what you can do. Secondly, you tend to get people

looking over your shoulder, which can be a tad embarrassing. Third,

they are relatively expensive. However, if this is all you have access

to then that’s ok, you can certainly make do.

Is Internet Dating Safe?

YES!

It’s that simple, Internet dating is as safe as you want it to be,

you are in complete control. This cannot be stressed enough.

Most people out there are genuine and nice. In fact they are

generally much nicer than someone you will meet in a pub or

nightclub after they have had one too many to drink.

Most Internet dating ‘horror stories’ are along the lines of the
person they met was totally different to who they thought they


would be, and they never contacted again. A waste of time, not a

big deal. You get better horror stories about meeting people at the

local bus stop.

The great thing about the Internet is that it allows you to pick

and choose, and sort out most of the people who aren’t suitable

without ever coming face to face, giving your phone number, or

even emailing. You get to decide who to contact, when, and how

much information to give out, whether or not you meet, and where

and when you meet. You can’t possibly get any safer than that.

The Internet is for all intents and purposes anonymous until you

decide that you want to take it further. So come on, don’t be afraid,

be cautious if you like, but get out there and give it try, you will be

pleasantly surprised.

Is It Easy to Meet the Person

of Your Dreams?

Unfortunately not, just like in real life. In most cases it comes down

to perseverance and luck. The Internet, however, does give you the

benefit of a huge group of potential single people to choose from

and few of the usual social barriers, so your chances of meeting the

right person are greatly improved.

Sure there are many people who have fallen in love with and

married the first person that they have met via the Internet, so it

does happen for some people, but almost certainly will prove a bit

harder for the majority of people. Just as in real life, you meet

various people, have fun, and have the odd heartbreak along the

way before (hopefully) meeting your soulmate. In fact, technically

the Internet vastly improves your chances of meeting and falling in

love with the first person you meet; such is the power of the

information available to you via the Internet. There are no

guarantees, except for one; if you don’t give it a try you won’t

succeed.

For the more introverted people out there, the Internet is a

godsend. It’s not uncommon to date ten times as many people from
he Internet as you have met in normal social settings, and turn


down even more than that.

What Type of People Will I Meet?

One of the great aspects of the Internet is the seemingly limitless

variety of people you can meet. Anyone from the boy/girl next-door

type, Elvis fanatics, astronauts, fellow stamps collectors or worm

farmers, and it’s not unheard of to find the occasional supermodel

or celebrity. This is generally in stark contrast to the normal club/

pub/social circle routine in which you will mostly meet the same

kind of people from the same social set again and again.

Although the world of Internet users is almost infinite in scope,

when it comes to Internet dating here are few ‘personality types’

you might encounter. By no means take this list seriously; it’s just a

light-hearted look at some generalisations.

The average Internet dater

Just your average person, with an average job, a normal social circle

and a well-adjusted lifestyle genuinely looking for Mr/Ms Right.

The vast majority of people on the Internet personals scene fall

under this category. Maybe they are just like you?

The serial daters

These people just need to have someone to go out with every night

of the week. Most of them are just out for fun and like meeting

people to the extreme.

The swingers

These people are after a good time plain and simple, and they usually

won’t be shy about it in their profile. Casual affair, fling, call it what

you will; if this is what you are looking for then you’ll find no

shortage of takers on the Internet. You will be able to spot them a

mile away, they won’t be afraid to tell you what they want.
The chat freaks


These people live their lives in a virtual world; they spend their entire

day and night in chat rooms, and will generally only meet in real

life at chat room social functions, often organised by them. The

world of Internet chat rooms is their domain; enter at your own

risk. They generally ignore newbies anyway.

The contact collectors

These types of people never want to meet; they just want to have as

many people on their email list as possible. A lot of times they won’t

even return email, they will just add you to their list. Can usually be spotted

by the phrase, “I like making new email buddies,” in their profile.

The cyberers

Are just after cyber sex. You will find them lurking in seedy chat

rooms, and they’ll usually send you a chat request saying, “wanna

cyber?” or, “what are you wearing?” Each to their own. Entertain

them or just plain ignore them, it’s your choice.

The fakers

Are not who they appear to be. They use a fake name, fake photo,

lie on their profiles, and just enjoy being someone else. These people

are a hindrance to serious Internet daters. Luckily they can be

spotted, and very rarely agree to meet in real life.

The window shoppers

People who place a profile ‘just for the fun of it’. They like seeing

who will reply, but have no real intention of ever meeting or taking

it further. These can include people who are ‘just curious’, and want

to check out what it’s all about before getting serious.

Inhibitions Go Out the Window

You will quickly learn that on the Internet people are much more

open and willing to reveal almost anything. The feeling of being

behind a computer screen tricks your subconscious into revealing
much more than you would under normal circumstances. This is


most often the case within chat rooms when people are thinking

and typing in real time. They really let their hair down and give

little thought to what they are actually revealing.

This can have its benefits and it’s pitfalls. It’s great for you in

that you can potentially find out a lot of additional information about

people, which can help decide if they are the one for you. On the

other hand you can accidentally reveal personal information about

yourself that you may never have intended to. It can happen to

anyone, beware.

Use this to your advantage to find out as much as possible about

the person you are talking to. You can never have too much

information when you are looking for Mr/Ms Right.

Credit Card Security

Serious Internet dating will often require a credit card and a

willingness to use it online. Many people will be naturally scared at

such a prospect, but in reality this is completely unfounded. Quite

simply, credit cards are safer than cash.

Virtually all websites that accept credit cards online are securely

encrypted and run by large reputable businesses, and the chance of

your credit card number being stolen is almost non-existent.

However, even if your credit card number is stolen (a very remote

possibility), you have little to worry about. You are usually not liable

for any costs incurred if it is stolen. The merchant (the company

supplying the goods or services) is usually responsible for all debts

incurred with stolen credit cards. This is why you hear that ‘Credit

Card fraud is costing the industry millions per year’. The key word

there is that the ‘industry’ loses, you the consumer do not lose a

cent, except maybe for an increased cost in goods due to factors

like credit card fraud.

All you have to do is check your statement each month and report

any transactions that you know you did not make. Note, however,

that your credit card will most likely be cancelled and you will be

issued with a new number, so it is an inconvenience at worst.
If you have any doubts concerning credit card security, contact


your credit card supplier. Many people (myself included) have a

separate credit card that they use specifically for use online. It can

be used to pay for your Internet service provider, Internet dating

costs, and online shopping. This way if your credit card number is

stolen then it is only your online activities that are inconvenienced

and not your regular credit card bills and day-to-day lifestyle. A

separate card also makes it easier to track what you have spent.

If you are willing to pay for Internet dating then you will have

more success.



Misconceptions


Misconceptions about Internet dating abound due to the media,

early social stigma, and incorrect assumptions from people who


The Male/Female Ratio


It was only a few years ago when the Male/Female ratio on some

Internet dating sites was 90% or more in favour of males. Males

had to fight tooth and nail for the few females brave enough to enter.

It was not uncommon for a female to receive hundreds of emails on

the very first day that she placed her profile, or to be swamped by

chat requests as soon as entering a room.

I’m glad to report that things are now totally different, and the

Male/Female ratio is closer to 50/50 on most large sites. In fact, on

some sites the women complain that there aren’t enough decent

guys. But, as with real life, guys are generally always on the back

foot and have to work much harder to get a date. Girls have it much

easier than guys when it comes to just getting a date, but quality

dates are an each-way bet.


know nothing about Internet dating.

By and large, most of these misconceptions are all but buried,

and Internet dating is pretty much accepted in today’s modern

society. In fact, it is now at a point where it is relatively uncommon

not to know someone who has had some experience with Internet

dating, or has already met their partner via the Internet.
 
Techniques of Successful Internet Daters

Successful Internet daters love competition online, and actually

use the unsuccessful and inexperienced people to their advantage.

How do they do this?

For starters, they have their technique down pat, and it makes

them look really attractive. In contrast, inexperienced people can

appear unattractive, which in turn makes the successful people look

and sound even better than they really are!

There are a few rules to being successful at Internet dating:

• Don’t do, say or show anything that makes you look generally

unattractive or stupid.

• Know who and what you are looking for, and don’t be afraid to

say it.

• Be persistent, and play the numbers game.

• Stand out from the competition

Sounds easy and obvious, but this whole book is about getting it

right. The detail that can go into getting it right will amaze you.
 
 
 
Getting to Know Someone the Virtual Way

Is it actually possible to get to know someone well via the various

means available on the Internet without actually meeting in real

life?

Unfortunately the answer is that it’s extremely difficult. The

human mind has an amazing ability to be able to assume and

imagine things. Your imagination, expectations, and subconscious

tend to take over when you are presented with the scant amount of

information often found via the Internet. It is so easy to make false

assumptions about someone, and one of the biggest lessons you

could learn about Internet dating is not to assume anything.

No doubt you will find a profile or meet someone in a chat room

that you will think is just perfect, and the person you have been

waiting your whole life for. Trust me, it happens to every Internet

dater given enough time. Whatever you do you have to resist the

temptation to think you have met the person of your dreams. Be

enthusiastic and hopeful for sure, but try not to jump to such huge

conclusions based on what is essentially very little information.

Through experience you will learn that people usually turn out

quite differently in real life to the image you had built up of them

via the Internet. This is one of the most common outcomes of

meeting someone through the Internet, and really with hindsight it

is quite obvious why this is so.

If you have ever had a regular ‘blind date’, you will most likely

have already experienced this. The friend who set you up tells you

something about the person, but when you finally meet they end

up not being as they had been described. The differences with
Internet dating are that you often get to know more details about


the person beforehand from their profile and other information.

You can also chat and exchange emails for many months before

deciding to meet them.

Stay clear of ‘virtual relationships’ (getting to know and fall in

love with someone without meeting), they rarely, if ever work.

Getting to know someone requires interaction in the real world face

to face, there is no substitute for it. The Internet is a very poor and

often misleading alternative.

This, of course, does not mean you cannot get to know and fall

in love with someone via the Internet, it’s just that it’s extremely

difficult and statistically not very successful. For the vast majority

of people it will not work.

The best advice you can have is to use the Internet as a means of

making initial contact, and getting to know someone a little bit,

with the ultimate aim of meeting in real life as soon as possible.

Can You Fall in Love with Someone You Have Not Met Yet?

If you believe some of the stories in the press – YES, but the real

answer is sadly a big NO. If you have not met them in real life, then

you have not fallen in love with them, but the image of them you

have build up in your mind. It may feel like you have, but in reality

you are deceiving yourself. Not that there is anything really wrong

with this, but you may be setting yourself up for a great deal of

disappointment when you do meet. Be careful not to get too attached

to someone until you meet him or her in person.

Email

Emailing is not surprisingly the most popular method of

communicating. Everyone has it; you can respond in your free time,

at home, from work, on a holiday, anywhere you have access to the

Internet.

Constant emails back and forth can often be a convenient way to

get to know someone, and it is also the most popular as it’s usually
the first point of contact. There are, however, some points to keep


in mind when using email to get to know someone:

• Some people are much better at expressing themselves in the

written word, than in real life and real time.

• Also, not all people are good at communicating and expressing

themselves via email. In fact, for many it is a new experience

and not part of their day-to-day life.

• The other person may expect you to be good at communicating

via email and you run the risk of appearing ‘dumb’ or

disinterested through no real fault of your own.

• Many people get a lot of email, and it’s easy, and often convenient

to ‘forget’ to reply. If you work in a modern office environment

where email is the main form of communication, you will no

doubt be very familiar with this.

Chat Rooms

The Internet provides many ways to ‘chat’ to someone in real time.

Be it as text messages typed in, a voice chat that is exactly like a

telephone call, or full video conferencing with video and sound.

Chatting is a great way to get to know someone in a short amount

of time, it’s much more efficient than email.

But it can have its drawbacks in that you typically don’t think

too much about what you are saying, and you can accidentally reveal

things that you didn’t intend to. On the other hand this can also be

an advantage to you.

Chatting complements email very well, and most Internet daters

will use both.

SMS Messaging

In today’s society, the ever-present mobile phone provides instant

communication with anyone, anywhere at any time. This

communication is not limited to voice, but can include text data as

well. Just like email, you can send and receive electronic SMS

messages on your mobile phone. You can even send them from an

Internet connection, which is why it’s mentioned in this book; it’s
another form of electronic communication using Internet


technology.

This move towards a wireless world is a largely untapped resource

that you can take advantage of to get to know someone. You can

arrange dates, send directions, and a whole lot more.

If you have someone’s mobile phone number and you are a bit

nervous about calling them, then why not send them an SMS

message. It’s a great way to break the ice, and it lets the other person

know that you are thinking about them.

Everyone loves getting an SMS message. It’s convenient, efficient,

and relatively cheap so definitely give it a go.
 
 
 
 
The Numbers Game


Internet dating is without a doubt a numbers game, statistics, call

it what you will, but that’s what it comes down to.

To put it simply, you have X number of people of the right gender,

Y number of those people who match what you are looking for, and

Z number of those people who are after someone like you.

Depending upon who you are and what you are looking for, the

number of Z people could vary from thousands down to just a few.

From my experiences I am convinced that there is a Z person - a

soulmate out there for everyone on the Internet dating scene. The

numbers are just so insanely large that it would take the most

pessimistic person in existence to believe anything else.

The art of Internet dating is to find those Z people, get in contact

with them, and convince them that you could be their Z person.

I highlighted convince them because one of the hardest and often

the most frustrating parts of Internet dating is trying to convince

someone else that you are worthy of being given a try. Obviously

you can’t know what the other person wants, but you can sometimes

get a reasonably good idea. If that person just can’t see it because

you forgot capitalize the ‘I’s’ in your email or they didn’t like the

colour of your hair in your photo or something equally as picky, it

can be rather disheartening.

But fear not, for the major goal of this book is to teach you all the

tricks of the Internet dating game and vastly improve your chances

of meeting your one in a million.

What you need to do is not make any mistakes, get things right

the first time, and it will only be a matter of time before your number
comes up and you meet your Mr/Ms Z


On the other hand, it’s so easy to make mistakes and miss all

your opportunities. Seeing as that there are only so many Z people

out there, the last thing you want to be doing is missing an

opportunity.

What are you waiting for? Your Z person could be logged on right

now…
 
 
 
 
What to expect


It’s easy to talk about all the wonderful things that Internet dating

can do for you, and it all sounds very easy right?

It can be easy, but a lot of you are no doubt sceptical and may be

wondering what it’s really like in the world of Internet dating. What

can you typically expect, the good things, the bad things, what are

the worst-case scenarios?

Well they are good questions, and I most certainly wouldn’t have

to been able to write this book, nor had the intention to write it if I

hadn’t have experienced the sometimes brutal reality of what

Internet dating is like for the inexperienced, and the experienced

for that matter.

Lets take a look at what the average Internet dater can expect.

Obviously some, all, or even none of these may happen to you. They

are merely to give you an idea of what a typical Internet dater who

meets a lot of people can expect given sufficient time. Just like

meeting people in normal social situations, many of these problems

will be familiar, but there are a few that are specific to Internet dating

given the medium it works under.

Internet dating really is little different to meeting people in real

life, you can meet some good people, and you can meet some bad

people. Internet dating just lets you do all of this with the utmost of

efficiency.
 
 
The Good


So what benefits can you expect from Internet dating?

Meeting new and interesting people

First and foremost you can expect to meet a lot of people. If you

play the game right your email box can be inundated and you won’t

know who to meet first. If you love meeting new and interesting

people then Internet dating is without a doubt the place you should

be.

More free time

Because Internet dating is so efficient when it comes to finding

people, you won’t have to spend countless late nights at clubs and

parties in pursuit of your ideal partner, or just a good time. You can

search for and get to know people when it suits you.

It’s Safe

Contrary to popular misguided assumptions, Internet dating is safer

than your usual club/pub environment. Many of you will no doubt

have experienced people who just keep hassling you at those venues,

and they can be difficult to get rid of at times. If the same things

happen to you on the Internet you can just hit the Delete button

and your problems are gone. You get to choose who, when, where

and how you will meet.

Meeting your perfect match

If you stick with Internet dating, sooner or later you are going to

meet the person you are looking for. The sheer number of people

on-line and the odds almost guarantee it. That is if you play the

game right.

It’s fun

Internet dating really is a lot of fun. It’s a refreshingly new and

exciting way of meeting people, and you will almost certainly get

caught up in the fun and excitement of it all.
 
 
 
 
The Bad


As with all things, you take the good with the bad…

Window Shoppers

Many people on the Internet dating scene are simply ‘window

shopping’. They might place a profile, respond to your profile, or

chat you up. But they are really just doing it to see what it’s like and

to have a bit of fun; they aren’t interested in meeting you. They can

waste a lot of your time leading you on. The same as your typical

flirter at a party.

Endless dates

One of the biggest disappointments can come in the form of date

after date after date after date without ever meeting anyone close

to who you are looking for. You might start to wonder why it’s so

hard to meet someone compatible.

This comes about because most people form an opinion about

you before you meet, which often turns out to be wrong, so they

end the date somewhat disillusioned. Add in the fact that it’s so

easy to get another date via the Internet, and you get the unfortunate

situation where either one or both parties don’t hit it off for what

are usually trivial reasons, and the rest is history.

There are some people who do hit it off with the very first person

they meet, but they are the vast minority. On average the typical

Internet Dater might go through dozens of dates before having met

the right one, but it can be a fun ride, and can, in fact, be one of the

most enjoyable aspects of Internet dating. So don’t let it get you

frustrated, get back out there and have some fun!

This is really no different to real life where you meet someone at

a club, pub or party; it’s just that the efficiency of the Internet means

that you can have a different date every night of the week if you so

desire. A definite benefit if your dating life was non-existent before.

Getting stood up

Yes it does happen, not very often mind you, but something to be

aware of. Most Internet dates are effectively ‘blind dates’ and many
 
people, especially first timers get very nervous at the prospect.


Occasionally you might get stood up for whatever reason. Don’t

take it personally, get back online and get yourself another date.
 
 
 
 
The vanishing perfect date


Many an Internet dater will be able to tell you a story of how they

met this fantastic person who sounded like a dream come true. They

emailed every day, were getting along fantastically and were about

to arrange a date when all of a sudden they vanish off the face of the

earth and were never heard from again.

This is unfortunately very common, and you have to experience

it yourself to realise that it is actually possible. But it does happen

and it can be a real disappointment. This is even more common

with people you meet and correspond with through chat rooms and

ICQ.

Click here to visit site

Some possible explanations are that people can lose their email

accounts, computers can crash and contact details get lost, they can

meet someone else, or their circumstances change and they have

moved on to greener pastures. Perhaps they were just window-

shopping?

The Internet can be a fragile communications medium. Try and

get as many contact details as possible (phone, address, multiple

emails, etc.) to reduce your risk of becoming another victim of ‘the

vanishing perfect date’ syndrome.

Can I pencil you in for next month?

You’ve met this great person, they like you and you like them, so

you ask them out on a date – only to be confronted with, “Sorry,

but I’m busy for the next few weeks, can we make it sometime next

month?”

You probe a little more and ask if a quick coffee after work would

be ok, but they will most likely have an excuse for every waking

hour of the day. They just don’t seem to want to make an effort to

meet you. “How hard could it be to meet up for coffee,” you think?

This scenario is surprisingly common, and it usually means that
 
the other person isn’t really excited at the idea of meeting you,


even if they sound excited. Sending emails is one thing, but when

it comes to actually meeting someone they just aren’t quite sure.

Lets face it, if the other person is seriously looking for Mr/Ms Right

then they are going to make an effort to meet you, regardless of

how busy their life is. Very few people will have a genuine excuse

for not being able to meet you for 30 min.

There is nothing you can do but hold them to any promises

they make and keep the correspondence going.
 
 
 
 
It’s different for girls


Internet dating basically has one set of rules for girls and another

set for guys. Or more precisely, it could be described as one set of

odds for girls and another set for guys.

Girls can (but not always) have it pretty easy when it comes to

getting a date on the Internet. You are almost guaranteed a date

every night of the week if you want it, and you can expect almost a

100% reply rate to your emails. You can do the most extensive and

nit picking profile search that you like and still end up with dozens

of profiles with photos.

Want a guy over 6’ with blue eyes, blonde hair, doesn’t smoke,

social drinker, and degree educated with an athletic body? – no

problem, a search will reveal probably a dozen profiles and a date

by this Friday night, and that’s just on one singles site.

Guys on the other hand can have it tough. Want to find that same

stringent criteria in a girl? Good luck, you are going to need it, and

then even more luck to get a reply. You will usually have to settle

for less strict criteria and no photo or body type description.

That’s not to say it’s guaranteed for girls and impossible for guys.

On the contrary, some guys get more dates than some girls and vice

versa; it’s how you approach it, how you present yourself and how

you play the whole game. That’s the aim of this book, helping you

to get the best possible odds.