Cost

There are many sites around that provide a completely free service.


It’s free to place a profile and free to respond to a profile. The only

cost is when you want to make your profile ‘stand-out’, which is

entirely optional.

Most large personals sites will cost you money as they are run by

commercial companies specifically set up to run the site as a

business. Unfortunately, the most popular sites are usually the ones

that cost money, but they are the ones with the most people, and

the best features. So if you limit yourself to free sites then you

may be missing out on a large potential audience.

Most sites will allow you to ‘join’ the site, place your profile, and

search profiles for free. But to respond to a profile you must either

be a paid ‘member’ (monthly or yearly, etc.), or buy ‘stamps’ (they

also go by other names such as ‘tokens’, etc.) that allow you to email

people. It might cost one stamp to email one person for instance.

Stamps are typically a few dollars each, and are usually cheaper the

more you buy at once. Be wary of stamps that ‘expire’ after a certain

date; you don’t want to blow your money.

Big sites will accept secure online credit card transactions and

will process your request in a few moments. Some will even accept

a cheque posted to them by regular snail mail, or a credit card

number over the phone.

Some sites charge a lot more than others, so shop around. But

be sure to choose the right site to suit your needs, and not just the

cheapest site available. Keep a look out for sites offering a free trial

period.

As a general rule, sites that are free attract more ‘window

shoppers’ and people who are not serious about meeting anyone. It

stems from the simple fact that people will not pay to just muck

around, but if it’s free then why not?

All of this is of course is assuming that you are going to email

people. If you are content to place your profile, sit back and wait

for the emails, then you need not spend a cent. As you will glean

from the rest of this book, this is not the preferred option. Serious Internet dating will almost certainly cost you some money.


If you compare the cost/efficiency/benefit ratio of Internet

dating to other forms of meeting people, you will find that even

the most expensive Internet dating site is an absolute bargain. For

the cost of entry to a nightclub and a few drinks you can email

dozens of people, or maybe get your profile put up in lights for

months.

Affiliates

The second thing to consider is if the site you are looking at provides


an affiliate service. Affiliate sites are other sites that use the database

and ‘search engine’ of the main provider to give the appearance

that they are also running their own personals site. This is becoming

very common, and the benefit to you is that your profile will be

automatically visible on many other sites as well, ones that you

would never find yourself. This greatly increases your exposure.

Geographically

The first thing to do is look for the large reputable sites that are


specific to your geographical area. There will be no shortage of

sites for any particular country, check the list further on in this

chapter for some to get you started. Many of the dating link sites

have sections for each country, this is a great resource.

Choosing a Personals Site

All Internet dating sites are not the same, and you must choose


carefully about which ones you spend your time and money

pursuing.

Even some of the biggest commercial sites may be totally useless

for your particular requirements, so picking the right personals site

is just as important as what you put into your profile. You can have

the best profile in the world, and pay all the money you want to get

your profile up in lights, but if you pick the wrong site you may not

get a single email.

Cyber Sex

Many of you will have heard about cyber sex, and may be wondering


exactly what it is. Cyber sex is simply using the Internet as means

of having ‘virtual sex’ with another person.

This can take many forms, be it ‘talking dirty’ in a chat room or

even email, a voice chat connection (the same as phone sex), or

using real time video (I’ll leave that to your imagination!).

If this is what you are after then you will usually have little trouble

finding an eager participant.

If you are looking for basic cyber sex without voice or video, then

all you need do is visit a few chat rooms, many of which will have an

‘adult’ channel. Cyber sex is also rife on random ICQ.

One mention of cyber sex will cause most regular Internet daters to

hit their delete button, so don’t mention it unless you know the other person is willing. Cyber sex is generally viewed as being tacky,


and only for degenerates and perverts who have no life. It’s popular

though; if you’re into that sort of thing then go for your life.

Finding a Bride

There would be men out there who are looking for a ‘bride’. If

that’s you then the Internet has no shortage of places to find what

you are looking for. There are many ‘Marriage introduction

agencies’ and the like online, most noticeably from Russia and

Asia. Most of these sites target people in western countries with

promises of the ‘brides to be’ coming to meet you. In some cases it

can be as simple as paying your money and getting a bride.

This is obviously not what Internet dating is all about, but it’s

another alternative if that’s what you are after. Most of these

companies were around before the Internet took hold, and they have

found that the Internet is a great way to advertise the clients they

have available and to reach a worldwide audience.

You may find that once you start joining some personals sites,

your email address might end up on the list of these foreign

introduction agencies. If this happens you might receive regular

spam emails offering their services.

I cannot offer any advice on these sorts of agencies, but as always,

‘buyer beware’. Suffice it to say that I have heard success stories

and I’ve also heard of scams and things simply not working out.

Pen Pals

As you may have guessed, the Internet is a great place to make pen


pals, or virtual pen pals as the case may be. In fact the Internet and

email has revolutionised the traditional pen pal system. Emails are

quicker and more convenient to write, cost nothing, and get there

instantly. You can exchange photos, chat, talk, and even

videoconference over the Internet. It’s an awesome way to keep in

touch with people.

Some broader sites have a separate pen pals section, and these

are a better alternative to general Internet dating sites.

Most people on Internet dating sites are looking for a relationship

of some sort, not a pen pal. People who register with pen pal sites,

however, are most likely to have the mentality it takes to keep up

the constant emailing, and are less likely to get bored and move on.

There are plenty of pen pal web sites and groups on the Internet, a

simple search will turn up plenty of options.

In a general sense, Internet dating can be like having a pen pal

who you meet and fall in love with. Some Internet daters email for

years before meeting and realising they are meant for each other.

Advantages

There are a number of favorable chances

• You can make some great friends with whom you can stay with

and show you the local sites while travelling. This can make for

a cheap holiday.

• You will have a much wider range of people to choose from,

greatly increasing your chances of finding the right one.

• Because the two of you will have gotten to know each other pretty

well before taking such a big step, the chances of it working out

can be potentially higher.

• Because you have both gone to so much trouble to meet each

other, you are not as likely to ‘nit pick’ and find faults with the

other person. This is what typically happens when you just meet

someone from around the corner where they are a dime a dozen.

In general though, stay well clear of long distance virtual

relationships unless you are experienced at this sort of thing, and

know exactly what you are doing. You are setting yourself up for a

big fall should it not work out. There is also the possibility of the

person simply vanishing of the face of the Internet, it happens, and

it’s common.

Remember that long distance relationships don’t work at the best

of times even for married couples and those in long-term

Disadvantages

• The likelihood is quite low that you will find the person of your
dreams. That’s just the statistics of Internet dating, so putting

all your eggs in one basket is risky.

• You are away from the safety of your friends and family if you

are the one travelling. It’s also expensive.

• If the other person is coming to you and you don’t like them

but they like you, they are naturally going to be a bit more upset

than someone who lives next door. It may be difficult to get rid

of them, in which case you can expect the big guilt trip - “but I

paid all this money and came all this way to meet you.” It can

get nasty. Be prepared for the worst.

Courting Long Distance

One of the obvious benefits of the Internet is that it allows you to

meet people from every corner of the globe.
 
The majority of people who start Internet dating just assume that


there is no other option than to meet someone locally, and never

give long distance relationships a second thought.

Only searching for people within your local area (for most people

that would involve a 1-2 hour car ride at most) does limit the amount

of people you can meet. However, if you include your entire city as

your local area, which most people do, you should have no shortage

of people in major cities.

Most people stick to their local area for several reasons:

• It’s too inconvenient to meet people outside of your area. At

least one of you must make the effort to get to the other person.

• It can be expensive if you are talking about air travel.

• The odds really are quite low that that person is the ‘right one’

for you. Internet dating is after all effectively a blind date.

Travelling half way around the world for a blind date is not

everyone’s idea of a smart thing to do.

Many people will be naturally frightened by the prospect of

meeting someone from outside of their local area, and it really does

take a special kind of person to be able to do this.

Here are the pros and cons of trying to court long distance via

the Internet: